Calculus

April 6, 1989...
I'm sitting in my 12th grade Calculus class, trying to understand what the teacher is talking about, at least long enough to pass next week's test. All those symbols and greek letters look impressive, but what do they mean? My brain is getting tired from the exercise. I start to feel woozy. Smoke starts blowing out of my ears. I really want to understand, or at least remember how to manipulate the numbers and figures well enough to pass the A.P. test at the end of the year, so that I never have to take another math class again....

April 6, 2005...
I'm sitting in a church library with several other church leaders from different parts of nothern California, trying to come up with a code of conduct for lay adults who work with youth, and procedures to follow if there is a complaint of misconduct. All those legal terms and phrases look impressive, but what do they mean? My brain is getting tired from the exercise. I start to feel woozy. Smoke starts blowing out of my ears. I really want to understand, to create the best, most precise and yet concise statement around, or at least figure out how to create a policy that will protect our youth, our adult volunteers, and our church. If only I could say that we would never have to deal with this again....

Church leadership is sometimes hard work. It is difficult, and sometimes frustrating, but when I remind myself that it is important and holy work -- making sure that there is a sanctuary, a safe place for all -- I am able to keep going, to endure to the end.... After all, I did it in 12th grade, surely I can do it again.