Deal With the Devil

Devil: I see you're ready to make a deal.

Me: What! I am not!

Devil: Oh, but you are. I've been watching you. I've seen your frustration. I've noticed the anxiety that keeps you awake at night. For over 13 years now, this has been the greatest disappointment of your life ... and I can take it away from you.

Me: What are you talking about?

Devil: Your debt, man! For 13 years you've been trying to work your way out of debt, pay off those credit cards. For 13 years, you've been unsuccessful.

Me: Hey, my credit card debt is less than the national average. I'm better than most.

Devil: And that gives you comfort, does it?

Me: Well, no, not really.

Devil: Of course not ... because you know that, over the years, the amount of fees and interest you've paid is in the thousands. Think of what you could've used that money for.

Me: You can get rid of my debt?

Devil: Not right away, but yes.

Me: What will it cost me? My soul?

Devil: No, not exactly. I guess it depends on how you look at it.... You just have to trust me. Come on, take my hand, and I'll show you.

Me: I don't know....

Devil: What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for finances to destroy your marriage once and for all? Are you waiting until your kids graduate from high school, and have no money for college? Are you waiting for the retirement you'll never afford? Come on! Just take my hand, and it'll be a done deal!

Me: Well, OK. Here goes....

---whooosh!---

Me: Hey, where are we? Is this hell?

Devil: Welcome to the Walmart Supercenter! Everything you need, including groceries, all under one roof. Shop here, and you'll save enough money to pay off your debt in no time!

Me: Nooooooooooooo!